We are becoming more and more divided as a nation. Many have abandoned long-term friends and even family members purely from a lack of understanding of different political views. Discernment is the antidote for judging others (and yourself). If we don’t discern, we’ll end up judging ourselves and others. Discover the secrets of being an understanding person and improve all of your relationships.
We are becoming more and more divided as a nation. Many have abandoned long-term friends and even family members purely from a lack of understanding of different political views. Discernment is the antidote for judging others (and yourself). If we don’t discern, we’ll end up judging ourselves and others. Discover the secrets of being an understanding person and improve all of your relationships.
When did we decide (as Americans) if someone doesn’t completely support your every opinion or belief, they are somehow disposable?
The lack of compassion is at a crisis level in our world.
Never before has Americans been so polarized purely out of fear and judging the differences of others. We all desire to be free to make our own choices. Americans are continually defining and fighting for the first amendment rights, our freedom of expression.
Its safe to say that there will always be people we know who hold different ideas, beliefs, and choices. Like snowflakes, no two people are exactly alike.
When did someone having a different opinion become lethal to our relationship with them? We all need to honor and respect other people’s freedom and choices, even if they don’t align with our own. Can we learn to be fascinated rather than fearful of someone different than you? It’s a challenge that life seems to be challenging us at this time.
Judgment is a decision making process. It is part of our ability to draw conclusions based on our experiences, people, or situations. The catch is when our ego references our past experiences and blindly projects them onto a similar situation; this is when judgments can become destructive and divisive.
A judgmental person only serves their ego’s arrogance and desire for competition. If we encounter someone who is ‘different’ then us, our ego will either elevate them or denigrate them, depending on the situation at hand.
Why can’t a person be valuable and not automatically be pigeon-holed into a superior or inferior category? Can we learn to respect differences without judging it? Judgment attempts to make a low self-esteem person feel superior to others. Especially those who behave, act, think or pray differently than they do.
It’s true being misunderstood and judged by others hurts. We all are instinctively afraid of being judged by others, yet many are still addicted to being judgemental. We’ve been taught and conditioned since childhood that getting others to understand you is all that matters. You don’t have to be understanding toward anyone. Judgment often fills the gap when we forgo being compassionate and understanding toward others.
This destructive mental habit is insidious because most people are unaware they’re even doing it. They’ve never considered a better way to make decisions. When we learn how to switch from judging to discerning, we set ourselves free to experience a greater depth of communication, feeling a genuine connection with others, and deeper inner peace.
Judgments hurt everyone, the person judged as well as the person who is making the judgment. When we judge, we separate ourselves from each other, causing pain, fear, and insecurity. We live in a constant state of anxiety, competition, and comparison with others. If you judge others, know that you’re also judging yourself.
All prejudice, racism, homophobia, and hate crimes emerge from holding onto old, outdated judgments from our past without the benefit of learning and understanding the unique person in front of you. Judgment projects past experiences in a present situation. It blinds you to the truth.
Judgment assumes • Discernment evaluates.
The immature ego is having a field day, being seduced by its own ignorance and fear. It is defensive, and it will resist against those who are different. One of its favorite ways to feel superior and conquer and divide people is by holding onto its outdated beliefs that foster and inhibiting the ability to evaluate the current situation. It projects the past instead of listening and learning from everyday experience.
Judgments are essentially negative. Its the ego’s path of least resistance. Judgments separate people from their feelings and experiences. They are the result of decision making without the benefit of thinking and learning about the current situation. A judgmental person often assumes they already know it all.
Discernments are naturally positive and require more conscious effort. To discern any situation or person, we begin by listening, reviewing, assessing, evaluating, and then understanding the present situation to make a decision.
Discerning doesn’t project past experiences. It references it but doesn’t automatically assume it applies to the current situation. The decisions that emerge from discernment are primarily trustworthy, wise, and compassionate because we’ve taken the responsibility to know that no two situations are exactly alike.
How to switch from judging others to discerning?
It begins by honoring and respecting others’ differences by listening and dialoguing with a person you’re seeking to understand. Then, make a conscious choice to update (change or confirm) the opinions you’ve garnered from previous experiences.
You’ve grown and changed, so most of your beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, feelings, and the decisions you make also need to be updated. After all, we update our computer and phone software at least twice a year. When was the last time you’ve updated your mental-emotional software?
To grow forward toward evolution, we must not get stuck in the past. Life is always moving forward, so if you cling to the past, you are moving backward and using outdated information to navigate your life, which produces unnecessary struggle. One thing that is certain about life, people, events, and situations is that change will happen. When you stop resisting change and learn to embrace it, you can live a more prosperous and harmonious life.
We can learn from past experiences; they can provide feedback but don’t allow yourself to assume it’ll be the same now. It’s now even more essential to let go of old judgments if we desire to feel more connected and keep up with our everchanging world.
The first step is to understand how the nature of discernment is different than judgment. If you don’t discern a situation, you’ll end up judging it. Judgment is the default setting. The seven characteristics below can help unlock your heart and let your compassion and respect flow toward other people who are different than you.
7 Characteristics of Judgement vs. Discernment
- •Judgment is the ego’s attempt to protect itself with defensiveness. •Discernment is your Soul’s self-protection motivated by self-respect.
- •Judgment is the ego’s desire to compete and be better than other people. •Discernment honors individuality, uniqueness, and feels compassion for yourself and of others.
- •Judgments lack conscious evaluation (thinking and feeling). It doesn’t form new opinions about the current situation because of an experience it is projecting. A judgmental person is stuck in the past and uses those memories to decide the present situation.
•Discernment lives in the present moment; it reviews the past AND evaluates and considers the current situation to make trustworthy decisions. - •Judgment is on autopilot, refusing to evaluate the present experience.
•Discernment asks, “Is this functional or dysfunctional for me at this time? - •Judgment separates. It attempts to end communication by closing the heart and mind to new information that may challenge your old beliefs.
•Discernment fosters honest and open communication with compassion that emerges from an open heart, that seeks to understand and make wise decisions. - •Judgmental people are concerned with being ‘understood’ by others.
• Discerning folks are focused on learning and being understanding. - •Judgment is obsessed with being right and avoiding ever being wrong.
•Discernment is willing to be wrong in the pursuit of what is right for you at this moment in time.
You now understand the fundamental differences between the two options we use for decision making. It takes a willingness not only to hear but to listen to what others say. Being judgmental will inhibit your growth and evolution, keeping you stuck in the past, limiting beliefs, and resisting any change.
The key is to choose to be a more understanding person. But what exactly comprises a person who functions with greater understanding? There are two unique and different expressions of understanding; one is intellectual, and the other is emotional.
Intellectual Understanding (Mind) is to think about a new idea and figure out how it works or fits together. i.e., Oh, I get it; I understand how it works.
Emotional Understanding (Heart) is to listen in order to feel understand and be empathic & compassionate. It involves opening your heart, mind, and intuition.
When you bring both expressions of understanding (heart and mind) together, they create a synergy of what it means to “Be an Understanding Person.” It’s so much more than just a person who intellectually ‘gets it,’ but who also feels it and connects more empathically, and who can ultimately make wise and trustworthy decisions about the situation at hand.
An understanding person doesn’t always agree with what they understand about the other person. But, they are aware of how the person has reached their conclusions, even when it’s different from their own. They don’t try to change the other person or make them feel wrong. Instead, they extend kindness by asking questions that help the other person know they’ve been heard; this alone can help expand their awareness.
Understanding allows us to hold our own opinions that are different from others and still respect and value the person. We can then agree to disagree, without fear, pain, judgment, or shame.
Being judgmental keeps you stuck in the past, stagnant, and resisting change. Discernment guides you toward greater wisdom and personal growth.
Holding onto emotional intensity and giving your attention to those you judge can actually tip the scales toward what you don’t want to experience. For instance if you’re against a particular presidential candidate, by focusing your emotional intensity and energy on the opponent is strengthening him.
There is no them; there is only us. We are one human family, unique and diverse. Like the plant or animal kingdoms, we humans are diverse in our individual and varied expressions.
Isn’t it time for all of us to listen, learn, and grow from each other and begin to celebrate our differences? Discerning, instead of judging, can help you quickly shift and lift your perspective and your life to create greater harmony and peace within the world.
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Other Resources by Michaiel:
Discover the Magic Inside Your Fear
5 Secrets to Develop Emotional Intelligence Today
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